I will never love anything or anyone more than I love the Star Wars franchise. There is no debate and I will never change my ways. Since as far back as I can remember Star Wars has been there for me and will always be there for me so long as Disney wants to make movies. Tonight, my fandom has reached a new pinnacle, as the new trailer for Star Wars: The Last Jedi premiered.

First of all let me start out by saying HOLY FUCKING SHIT MY EYES ARE SWEATING I’M NOT CRYING YOUR CRYING FUCK YOU THIS WAS TOO GOOD. OK, now that I got my unintelligible first reactions out, let’s break this thing down.

first couple of scenes are just the standard ambiguous shots of Kylo Ren and presumably the First Order doing their thing with Snoke talking about the energy and potential he felt in the background. I’m assuming Snoke is having a little meeting about Sith things with Kylo, but who knows with this movie.

Next up is the money shot ending of The Force Awakens pretty much picking up where it stopped and moving right along. Rey explains how she’s always had some type of power or connection with the force and starts doing some Jedi drills with everyone’s favorite hermit and hero to the stars, Luke Motherfucking Skywalker. One particular seen comes into frame and you see Rey really use the force in a way Luke clearly has either never seen or has seen and instantly terrified. The latter is all but confirmed as he says “I’ve seen this raw strength only once before. It didn’t scare me then, but it scares me now.” You KNOW he’s seen some things like a Vietnam vet after Endor and the end of Return of the Jedi, outside of the scene of presumably his school to teach young padawans being torched. Again, the old detective in me thinks Kylo was the power he saw before and whatever seduced him to the dark side and the events after scarred the the shit out of him.

Then, we get Kylo being a moody teen and breaking more things. Glad to see nothing has changed for him in two years. He then takes more of his angsty feelings out on a resistance blockade or squadron and then moves in on a larger ship, which then cuts to a scene of General Leia (RIP Carrie) channeling her connection to the force and more importantly her son, and realizing her time is about to be up. If this scene plays out exactly as it was edited in the trailer, and Kylo kills not one but TWO of the most beloved characters in franchise history, on top of Leia and Han Solo being his parents, there is no redemption moment in the world that can save his soul. He will be the unanimous most hated character outside of Jar Jar Binks, Dexter Jester, and Jango Fett, and I love every second of it. We all need a good heel to root against.

After a quick pause all hell starts breaking loose. Battle scene after battle scene, Poe giving his best wartime general speech to rally the troops, Finn doing some badass shit and Phasma actually looking like she might have a moment of importance in this movie, and Luke telling Rey don’t sleep on Snoke and his power while doing some more training. We even got a shot of what is going to be the new Chewbacca and merch killer Porgs. Again, I can’t stress enough how much the cinematography blows me away in this. Disney doesn’t give a fuck about a budget and Rian Johnson and co. are ready to blow my dick off with this movie.

Then we get the MONEY SHOTS to end all money shots. Snoke looking like he’s about to conjure up some bad juju with the force and then it cuts to him just torturing the everloving shit out of Rey. I can’t imagine what else he can do with the force with just that one scene. She really looks like a Sumerian Death squad is just ripping her limbs off one by one. The internet, albeit a scary and misinformed place, speculate Snoke is really Darth Plageuis. For those not deep in canon, Plageuis was a Sith back in the early years so powerful he could use the force and create life, and speculated to birth Anakin Skywalker with said power. Unfortunately, when Disney brought George Lucas the bag for all his properties, Plageuis was retconned from canon and classified as Legends, AKA non canon stories. Could Snoke be Plageuis? Possibly, but if anything he will be a new character as the executives have said over and over again, but I’m sure some traits of Plageuis are within Snoke.

But we can’t end on that large spoiler! We then see Rey speaking to Kylo I’m guessing either before or after some type of duel based on background pieces alone, and asks Kylo for help in training her in the force. Now this is where my brain is sent into a frenzy. On one hand how fucking big of a swerve would that be if Rey, who has been built up to be the new hero of the galaxy and last of the Jedi, just gives into the dark side and all of its power and mystery. On another hand, it could be a plot to seduce Kylo into a trap and him and Luke have a battle to end all battles in that shot, akin to Obi-Wan and Vader in A New Hope, or a plan constructed by Luke to bring down the First Order and Snoke from the inside. Maybe Rey and Kylo team up to dethrone Snoke, either in the name of the light side of the force, or because their greedy and play the numbers game. There are just too many things to think what will actually happen.

All I can say is December 15th is only 2 months away and it’s gonna be the slowest of burns until then. This trailer alone should sell the movie to any film fan, not just the Star Wars fans. So far, Blade Runner 2049 and Dunkrik are my top movies of 2017, but realistically at this point their placeholders until I see this movie 27 times before I buy it on Blu-Ray

Score: 26/10

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